over the past month its been a struggle to not feel the pressure of not having a job. ive been trying to appreciate my freetime rather than feel lazy. other than applying for jobs and looking into getting into school again, i have gone on a few more roadtrips.
i went to nashville with my mom. i was feeling distant from her and thought what better way to reconnect with someone than a trip? we had a great time and some good heart to heart talks. although i still think she is struggling with the fact that i am not the same little boy she used to take trips to nashville with. its tough on me...knowing my mom wishes i was like the old me. but what can i do? i must move forward.
i took a trip to tulsa all by myself to see dan. i saw his new house and how much improvements they had made on it. played boardgames with his fam, went sledding,went to a going away party for someone i didnt know, and drove home listening to the 7 mixed cds aubrey made for me.
last week, me and aubrey went and played at a metro stop to start preparing playing in front of people. we are sounding good and almost ready for a performance id say. carriage house on the other hand...is a slow work in progress. new songs have been hard to come by, but two im very happy with is one about a wind up bird and one about a phantom limb.
ive been racking my brain for nearly a month now, and i cant think of any position that would be better for me than greg the murse (male nurse). so ive begun looking into programs at umsl. thats all for now
Wednesday, February 10, 2010
Friday, January 8, 2010
into the new year.
ive spent the first few days of the new year looking back at 2009. i was pretty shocked when i looked back at how fast this year had gone by and how much i had actually done with it. i was rarely home, spent alot of time meeting new people, dancing and socializing out in public, which was never really my thing. so in that aspect, 2009 was a great year for me growing in confidence in myself.
it was a pretty fantastic year overall, the good and bad. i was in a movie with george clooney, i was a dj, i got a new car, i met a ridiculous amount of new cool people, and i started playing open mics in st louis. i experienced firsts like romantic heartbreak and getting laid off. i started a potential band. i gave blood. carrie got preggers, jolene had a baby, nobody close died, dan got a house, jessie got married, jon got engaged. i may be pretty broke, but my life is so full of great people and moments.
in 2010 i look forward to getting a place i can call my own for a short season. hopefully i will find direction, prioritize and get some things accomplished!... if not, thats okay too, its bound to be a great year either way. i would like the band to gig once or twice, i would like to get a direction career wise. i would like to finish a few short stories, but that seems unlikely at this point.
so far the new year is getting off to a hopping start and i hope it stays this way. i went on a snowboarding vacation with jessie, a friend of mine, and it was fantastic. i was shocked at how fast i picked up some of the techniques and just had a blast. i even finished the trip successfully going down an expert hill. certainly one of my new passions in life. i have also had the great fortune of spending time with aubrey. we sit in front of her fire place smoking, talking, and playing music (she plays the uke and her mom plays the clarinet). not a whole lot better in this world than music by the fire with good company.
also, just a few updates. usfidelis ended up closing their doors a week or so ago. i am currently unemployed and very excited about the possibility of living and working near st louis city. today i am applying for a few more nursing assistant jobs. i am seriously contemplating that direction right now, and want to see if i can handle it. i just want to be able to stay happy, which seems to be an interesting struggle all adults face.
finally, if you havent seen up in the air yet, and you want to try and see me (i did end up making the cut!) then keep an eye out about 3/4 of the way thru the movie when he goes to chicago (it will say chicago on the screen) to see the girl. when he is leaving chicago walking to the right in the airport i am clearly sitting in the background for about 1.5 seconds. haha
quote for the day: give me a break with your could haves and should haves -from the movie whatever works
i love life and see good days.
Wednesday, November 18, 2009
very busy, heres some cliff notes.
the past 2 weeks have been eerily good times. last week i got a mini promotion, i got out of my 5th consecutive ticket, i discovered 200 missing dollars on a paycheck, i was asked to dj again, i took a roadtrip to chi with charles, and i got to go to the secret spot (a little cave under a creek waterfall in the woods) with some great new people in my life (nate and aubrey). amongst other great nights of course.
i really havent been getting much sleep at all because each night seems to be a new adventure! ive been trying to prioritize my time and decide what activities are worthwhile, but its so tough. at this stage in life i have a bunch of different groups of good friends. so each night is something different, not to mention getting fam time in on the weekends! im even making friends at work again, and its just getting ridonk.
speaking of work, i read this book recommended by aubrey called the picture of dorian gray by oscar wilde a few weeks ago. it is fantastic. its got so many provacative quotes and thoughts on art, aging, and the influence of a mentor.
carriage house is having a blast practicing. we certainly have musical chemistry, which i havent experienced much in my life, so its great. we had our first paranormal happening last night at the church too. at the end of practice the light over the balcony turned itself on, and slade said he didnt even know where that light switch was! creepy. today it was off again.
also, evan is just getting cuter. how does he do it? i dont know. but every night i come home he has come up with some new word, laugh or action that just tickles my soul. we played a version of hide and seek last night that i cant even describe properly. we basically laughed the whole time.
and finally, i read a hemingway quote today that said 'happiness in intelligent people is the rarest thing i know.' it kinda made me feel dumb for enjoying my life so much right now. but oh well, i am self aware enough to realize im not intelligent, and i think that puts me a step ahead of most unintelligent people anyways.
i really havent been getting much sleep at all because each night seems to be a new adventure! ive been trying to prioritize my time and decide what activities are worthwhile, but its so tough. at this stage in life i have a bunch of different groups of good friends. so each night is something different, not to mention getting fam time in on the weekends! im even making friends at work again, and its just getting ridonk.
speaking of work, i read this book recommended by aubrey called the picture of dorian gray by oscar wilde a few weeks ago. it is fantastic. its got so many provacative quotes and thoughts on art, aging, and the influence of a mentor.
carriage house is having a blast practicing. we certainly have musical chemistry, which i havent experienced much in my life, so its great. we had our first paranormal happening last night at the church too. at the end of practice the light over the balcony turned itself on, and slade said he didnt even know where that light switch was! creepy. today it was off again.
also, evan is just getting cuter. how does he do it? i dont know. but every night i come home he has come up with some new word, laugh or action that just tickles my soul. we played a version of hide and seek last night that i cant even describe properly. we basically laughed the whole time.
and finally, i read a hemingway quote today that said 'happiness in intelligent people is the rarest thing i know.' it kinda made me feel dumb for enjoying my life so much right now. but oh well, i am self aware enough to realize im not intelligent, and i think that puts me a step ahead of most unintelligent people anyways.
Thursday, October 15, 2009
open mics, poptart girl, great weekend
quick update. the last week or so has been pretty fun so i gotta report. last thursday i played an open mic with clare. we played a beatles cover in our own style and an original duet. it was surprising how many people were there, and it was nice to have a few of them come up and say they really enjoyed our songs. nothing better when you feel that someones compliment is heartfelt.
tuesday was the highlight of my week tho. i found out that i still have a pair! i went to the city to say bye to kevin and he got me into another free show (dr dog.) that marks 6 consecutive shows i havent paid for, i believe. thats divine provision my friends. it was a grand show, those guys have mastered harmonizing the guitar parts, and that was something ive always wanted to do. at the show i ran into my friend alison and her buds. so we all decided we should go somewhere to eat. everything was closed but someone mentioned that pinup bowl had poptarts. i was so hungry that it sounded like the greatest idea in the world.
so we went to pin up and i Bee lined it to the bar and asked for a pop tart. there was a ridiculously cute girl sitting there and so i pretended not to see her. but something happened that never happens, she talked to me. "that is the cutest. ive never seen anyone order a pop tart here. thats so cute." apparently her dogs name was pop tart also, so small world huh. soooo, after talking a bit i got my powdered sugared blueberry pt and i said it was nice meeting you and returned to my friends. then i thought what the 'ell, and went back and got her number. which is the very first time i have asked for a strangers number. very fun. nothing will probably come of it, but at least i have a cool story.
and this weekend was also a blast. i had a great saturday night hanging with new friends, and sunday was just what i needed. i spent almost the whole day lazing around.
well, first i played soccer with alison's coed team. it was an eye opener. ive been socially smoking, or smocially soaking as some would say, for about 5 months. and it caught up to me. i couldnt run at ALL, and it was so painful, which in turn made me a dreadful soccer player. at one point i actually just fell right on my face while dribbling (no one guarding me either). soooo, yeah, i am really inspired to start taking care of my body again. we shall see.
and finally tonight, i recorded some song ideas on abbys computer and it just sounded aweful. i cant believe how much i love my music when im playing it and how dumb it sounds when im listening. i am at a crossroads now trying to figure out what im doing that makes my writing sound so silly. hopefully, time will tell!
i love life and see good days.
tuesday was the highlight of my week tho. i found out that i still have a pair! i went to the city to say bye to kevin and he got me into another free show (dr dog.) that marks 6 consecutive shows i havent paid for, i believe. thats divine provision my friends. it was a grand show, those guys have mastered harmonizing the guitar parts, and that was something ive always wanted to do. at the show i ran into my friend alison and her buds. so we all decided we should go somewhere to eat. everything was closed but someone mentioned that pinup bowl had poptarts. i was so hungry that it sounded like the greatest idea in the world.
so we went to pin up and i Bee lined it to the bar and asked for a pop tart. there was a ridiculously cute girl sitting there and so i pretended not to see her. but something happened that never happens, she talked to me. "that is the cutest. ive never seen anyone order a pop tart here. thats so cute." apparently her dogs name was pop tart also, so small world huh. soooo, after talking a bit i got my powdered sugared blueberry pt and i said it was nice meeting you and returned to my friends. then i thought what the 'ell, and went back and got her number. which is the very first time i have asked for a strangers number. very fun. nothing will probably come of it, but at least i have a cool story.
and this weekend was also a blast. i had a great saturday night hanging with new friends, and sunday was just what i needed. i spent almost the whole day lazing around.
well, first i played soccer with alison's coed team. it was an eye opener. ive been socially smoking, or smocially soaking as some would say, for about 5 months. and it caught up to me. i couldnt run at ALL, and it was so painful, which in turn made me a dreadful soccer player. at one point i actually just fell right on my face while dribbling (no one guarding me either). soooo, yeah, i am really inspired to start taking care of my body again. we shall see.
and finally tonight, i recorded some song ideas on abbys computer and it just sounded aweful. i cant believe how much i love my music when im playing it and how dumb it sounds when im listening. i am at a crossroads now trying to figure out what im doing that makes my writing sound so silly. hopefully, time will tell!
i love life and see good days.
Tuesday, October 6, 2009
carriage house
small progress has been made and it excites me so much. i have begun practicing with clare, if we actually start getting gigs we've decided we want to be called 'arthur and eleanor.' we have 3 songs down pretty well so far. however, i also have had 2 practices with these fellows i met named slade and tucker. they are very cool people and have great taste in music. we've been talking about getting together to jam but finally started meeting a couple sundays ago. we meet at a carriage house behind the church slades dad owns off hanley road. so for now we are calling ourselves such (altho, it kinda reminds me of carol house) its really been fun. i LOVE making music, and its two different experiences playing alone and playing with others. both good, but very different energies.
tonights get together went so well that i am now impatient. i want to start having full songs together so as to open for other bands. but alas, we have a long road ahead. we have lots of half songs, and, while slade has a great singing voice, we also want him to be our drummer, and he is just starting. so time will tell.
also, this weekend at a party with friends 2 cards players showed up. i dont watch baseball so i didnt know it was anyone worth mentioning, but apparently ryan franklin is kind of a big deal. he and todd w something were there and looked bored the whole time.
more importantly, zack was in town for his sisters wedding, and we had a good ole time as usual. we were able to catch up on all kinds of stories about the past 6 months. we also went bowling with kev and that is quickly becoming an annual tradition for when we are together. i shot the best of my life (172) but still somehow ended up losing all bets placed...again!
ugh...its 130 and i have to wake up tomorrow. theres more im sure, but ive gotta hit that hay.
tonights get together went so well that i am now impatient. i want to start having full songs together so as to open for other bands. but alas, we have a long road ahead. we have lots of half songs, and, while slade has a great singing voice, we also want him to be our drummer, and he is just starting. so time will tell.
also, this weekend at a party with friends 2 cards players showed up. i dont watch baseball so i didnt know it was anyone worth mentioning, but apparently ryan franklin is kind of a big deal. he and todd w something were there and looked bored the whole time.
more importantly, zack was in town for his sisters wedding, and we had a good ole time as usual. we were able to catch up on all kinds of stories about the past 6 months. we also went bowling with kev and that is quickly becoming an annual tradition for when we are together. i shot the best of my life (172) but still somehow ended up losing all bets placed...again!
ugh...its 130 and i have to wake up tomorrow. theres more im sure, but ive gotta hit that hay.
Sunday, September 13, 2009
priorities, moving on, DJing
deck! how was cali? hows the new house? im pumped for you and miss you terribly man. i appreciated your priorities list. i asked a few people and you were the only one who responded. i still am working on mine but i know that creating music and spending as much quality time with people i love are probably the top two in my life right now. obviously i dont want it to be that way. i want God to be there in the number one spot....but im just being honest. im finding i operate the best when im striving for honesty not perfection.
i do really like those things you strive for deck, and it confirmed why i respect you more than most anyone ive ever or ever will meet. those are pretty much words to live a life by "be a humble man of faith, who loves his wife genuinely, raises children of strong character and gives more than i take." mm mm mmmm right now i guess the goal is to be a humble man of faith who loves himself and those around him genuinely and gives more than i take.
i am at a little bit of a loss right now. i love that i am self aware enough to know my priorities are out of wack, but frightened i will never remember how to be alone with God on a regular basis. frightened that i am starting to become ok with not understanding so many things about life. for instance, my bro in law tried having a convo with me about politics during a long car ride. and i just went mute. i didnt care and i didnt want to care. i dont understand governments and i dont see what good it would do even if i did. so have i just gotten mentally lazy? yep. i think thats it. this is the most introspective ive been in months! haha
i just read someone elses blog and it encouraged me to instrospect again....fyi
lifes been good. dont know if i mentioned this, but i saw this terrific movie called 500 days of summer and it really struck a chord with me. its basically about a failed romance and it helped show me other people have felt the pain i have, and it gave me great comfort and hope for the future. breaking up is the suckiest experience, and i certainly hope i dont have to endure that many more times in my life. cant even imagine divorce.
but anyways...
the real reason im even signing onto my blog tonight is because i finally had a blog worthy occurrence! friday night i experienced a first. something i didnt even think i would have the opportunity to do, so i didnt even bother putting it on a 'to do before i die list'. but now i can AND cross it off.
ok, enough preface... i was a DJ!
i got off work on friday at 730. and was planning on having a long shower and taking it easy (either chilling with charles or just going right to bed bc i was pretty sick all day) then i got a text at 8pm from my good friend Doug, who is the DJ mastermind behind a couple dance parties in st louis. the text read "hey totally random....but think you'd be down for djing tonight @ 80s club? i can give you a crash course/$80 and tips. Lmk?"
i couldnt believe it. i still cant. what a cool opportunity. so i said what time?
i got there about 10 and he showed me the way it works. split screen with one song thats playing and one in cue. i just had to pick an 80s tune drag it to the cue, check the levels to make sure it wasnt too loud or quiet, and then fade from one song to the next. it was pretty easy, but very intimidating and nerve racking. definitely the time of your life, dont get me wrong, but scary knowing the party rests upon your fingertips.
many many cute girls requesting silly songs. im still working on appreciating 80s music, but i am pretty much a convert after that night. i hate all the good lookin girls distracting me in life btw. its just knowing that right now everyone is a potential future. i dont like it. its overwhelming. i wish girls had to wear badges or something that explained what was really going on behind the pretty face. like "clingy" or "drama queen" or "petty" this way you wouldnt even have to waste time thinking hmmm im super nervous about talking to her bc u could simply find out the crazy before wasting any time. ...if im honest, im probably still too damaged to even be thinking about girls at all...yeah, im tired of thinking about the future. forget this paragraph. im just keeping my eye on what today brings for now (okay, technically tomorrow, since its 1am, but you know what i mean).
also some guy tipped me 10 to play thriller! haha
and finally, im reading travels with charley at work. falling in love with steinbeck all over again. and i had a convo with an old fam friend yesterday about writing and realized i have alot of new life material. so i need to get back on the writing horse! thats an exciting thought if i can get some discipline and remember how to use my brain.
all in time.
i do really like those things you strive for deck, and it confirmed why i respect you more than most anyone ive ever or ever will meet. those are pretty much words to live a life by "be a humble man of faith, who loves his wife genuinely, raises children of strong character and gives more than i take." mm mm mmmm right now i guess the goal is to be a humble man of faith who loves himself and those around him genuinely and gives more than i take.
i am at a little bit of a loss right now. i love that i am self aware enough to know my priorities are out of wack, but frightened i will never remember how to be alone with God on a regular basis. frightened that i am starting to become ok with not understanding so many things about life. for instance, my bro in law tried having a convo with me about politics during a long car ride. and i just went mute. i didnt care and i didnt want to care. i dont understand governments and i dont see what good it would do even if i did. so have i just gotten mentally lazy? yep. i think thats it. this is the most introspective ive been in months! haha
i just read someone elses blog and it encouraged me to instrospect again....fyi
lifes been good. dont know if i mentioned this, but i saw this terrific movie called 500 days of summer and it really struck a chord with me. its basically about a failed romance and it helped show me other people have felt the pain i have, and it gave me great comfort and hope for the future. breaking up is the suckiest experience, and i certainly hope i dont have to endure that many more times in my life. cant even imagine divorce.
but anyways...
the real reason im even signing onto my blog tonight is because i finally had a blog worthy occurrence! friday night i experienced a first. something i didnt even think i would have the opportunity to do, so i didnt even bother putting it on a 'to do before i die list'. but now i can AND cross it off.
ok, enough preface... i was a DJ!
i got off work on friday at 730. and was planning on having a long shower and taking it easy (either chilling with charles or just going right to bed bc i was pretty sick all day) then i got a text at 8pm from my good friend Doug, who is the DJ mastermind behind a couple dance parties in st louis. the text read "hey totally random....but think you'd be down for djing tonight @ 80s club? i can give you a crash course/$80 and tips. Lmk?"
i couldnt believe it. i still cant. what a cool opportunity. so i said what time?
i got there about 10 and he showed me the way it works. split screen with one song thats playing and one in cue. i just had to pick an 80s tune drag it to the cue, check the levels to make sure it wasnt too loud or quiet, and then fade from one song to the next. it was pretty easy, but very intimidating and nerve racking. definitely the time of your life, dont get me wrong, but scary knowing the party rests upon your fingertips.
many many cute girls requesting silly songs. im still working on appreciating 80s music, but i am pretty much a convert after that night. i hate all the good lookin girls distracting me in life btw. its just knowing that right now everyone is a potential future. i dont like it. its overwhelming. i wish girls had to wear badges or something that explained what was really going on behind the pretty face. like "clingy" or "drama queen" or "petty" this way you wouldnt even have to waste time thinking hmmm im super nervous about talking to her bc u could simply find out the crazy before wasting any time. ...if im honest, im probably still too damaged to even be thinking about girls at all...yeah, im tired of thinking about the future. forget this paragraph. im just keeping my eye on what today brings for now (okay, technically tomorrow, since its 1am, but you know what i mean).
also some guy tipped me 10 to play thriller! haha
and finally, im reading travels with charley at work. falling in love with steinbeck all over again. and i had a convo with an old fam friend yesterday about writing and realized i have alot of new life material. so i need to get back on the writing horse! thats an exciting thought if i can get some discipline and remember how to use my brain.
all in time.
Sunday, August 30, 2009
open mics and a quick summer.
well this summer was definitely the fastest few months of my entire life. it has been a blur of work, playing music, and spending time with new people. i wish i couldve just skipped over july to be perfectly honest, so im glad that it went so quick.
august was a mix of good times and work... i could have my time line mixed up but i think about a month and a half ago carrie (my sister) found an open mic night in downtown st charles. then i went online and found another one, which inspired me to start practicing my songs again. its been really exciting over the past month+ ive been practicing my songs alot and playing once or twice a week.
playing out is very rewarding. it either goes really well and you can see people enjoying it, or it goes really aweful and you can learn what not to do for the future. not to mention you get to meet other musicians and see other people doing the same thing.
the first one i was so nervous that i couldnt really properly breathe/sing. it went well enough tho, people seemed to enjoy it, and a girl that also played piano came up and said she liked it.
then after 3 open mics in 3 different locations i got pretty comfy in front of people (which i didnt think would ever happen, so that was exciting in itself). i performed silly songs like rocky raccoon and hit me baby one more time as well as my original songs. and its cool to get input...one guy told me i was pitchy, one told me i sounded like fray (which seems like a critique to me), yet little things like seeing the barista come over from the bar to watch are really encouraging.
...
super sick of the job. going to begin job hunting in the city within the week. im pretty tired of commuting to everywhere i need to be, especially with an suv. i have no time for little things like journaling or running or watching a movie. i bought running shoes so i could start running this summer and i havent run once. ugh!
i probably have tons of stories, but right now im too tired to remember.
august was a mix of good times and work... i could have my time line mixed up but i think about a month and a half ago carrie (my sister) found an open mic night in downtown st charles. then i went online and found another one, which inspired me to start practicing my songs again. its been really exciting over the past month+ ive been practicing my songs alot and playing once or twice a week.
playing out is very rewarding. it either goes really well and you can see people enjoying it, or it goes really aweful and you can learn what not to do for the future. not to mention you get to meet other musicians and see other people doing the same thing.
the first one i was so nervous that i couldnt really properly breathe/sing. it went well enough tho, people seemed to enjoy it, and a girl that also played piano came up and said she liked it.
then after 3 open mics in 3 different locations i got pretty comfy in front of people (which i didnt think would ever happen, so that was exciting in itself). i performed silly songs like rocky raccoon and hit me baby one more time as well as my original songs. and its cool to get input...one guy told me i was pitchy, one told me i sounded like fray (which seems like a critique to me), yet little things like seeing the barista come over from the bar to watch are really encouraging.
...
super sick of the job. going to begin job hunting in the city within the week. im pretty tired of commuting to everywhere i need to be, especially with an suv. i have no time for little things like journaling or running or watching a movie. i bought running shoes so i could start running this summer and i havent run once. ugh!
i probably have tons of stories, but right now im too tired to remember.
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