summer school ending, 90 days at st johns, singing competition

well the last 3 months have been very busy but fruitful for sure.

i have my last class of the summer tomorrow and will end up with three A's in three classes. i cant believe i did so well in stats, but human growth psych and anatomy were both reeeeally awesome classes that i enjoyed immensely.

anatomy is just an amazing thing to learn in general. knowing the intricacies under the skin makes you feel more at one with your body (thats not the wording im looking for but thats the basic gist), and i really love to learn about it. for my last paper in psych i had to apply 12 learned concepts to a movie and i chose magnolia because i forgot about royal tennenbaums. but i had a blast breaking down the characters and got a 100 percent!

st johns has been quite an adventure. its been very somber this week (if you didnt hear, one of my coworkers was murdered in the parking garage...long story), and im glad for the weekend break to get outdoors and maybe go peach picking with charlie.

i had my 90 day orientation at st johns today. so far so great. love the atmosphere and the work. ive realized lately tho that my department is frustrating for me because i am walking by myself all day only passing my co workers in the halls. so it is tough to get to know people and make friends that way, and the few i have clicked with have changed depts. its a confusing question when people ask me if i like the job bc i do like everything about it, but at the same time i am left wanting that interaction each day.

i really crave relationship. i mean who doesnt? but its been a tough few months bc i feel miles away from any transparent intimacy. people have become too busy and crabby and all i want to do is share some love and interaction! gaaah.

what could be exacerbating (?) the problem is the fact that i just read dharma bums a few weeks ago, and the spirit of that book just makes me want to live! ray is all about sucking the marrow out of life. he travels he loves he drinks he writes and dances. i want all of that plus the responsibility. ...im really trying to teach myself to live in the present moment even more than i already do. the past and future can really distract me from the perfect day at hand if i dont make a conscience effort to smile. but i do.

in musical news, i turned in a demo for a singing competition through joy fm. if im selected in the top 10 finalist i will perform at six flags on the air on the 14th. my demo was preeeetty terrible, so either God will have a hand in things, or the competition will have to be awwweful. nevertheless, i am pumped about putting forth the effort. i recorded an original song and will find out if i made the cut monday morning (theyll announce it on the website). if i do play, please turn on your radio on the 14th.

i could go on and on, but i have to wake up in 6 hours for my last test!

deck, thanks for the link! that was a very encouraging read.

carrie, thanks : ) my favorite invented word so far is unisexy. use it!

pond, st johns job, maryville, music.

well hello again. quite a few happenings, so i feel i should jot a few memories down here while i have a moment.

first a funny story, if i didnt tell you already. starts with my sister having her second boy (liam!). her and nik were preparing to leave the hospital so i was in charge of evan for the afternoon. we went to the park. after the playground we walked around the pond watching the ducks and turtles. there were more turtles than i had ever seen at once sun bathing on a log. we sat right next to them and watched until i had the thought, "hm, i bet evan would get a kick out of seeing how they go into their shell and whatnot" soooo, i crawled up to the edge, waited for the perfect moment and snagged one. it was a glorious moment that lasted all of two seconds because the next thing i remember is being on my back underwater sinking and cursing (while holding the turtle up out of water as if it couldnt breathe under). i threw the turtle ashore and searched in blindness for the land. as i went to pull myself out i grabbed the turtle again. finally i got out but the turtle got away and i was green from head to toe from the algae or seaweed. green beard. green glasses. green clothes. ew. i started laughing and looked to evan assuming hed be laughing, but no. no, he was looking at me thinking 'crazy uncle arty...sigh' basically, my phone was ruined. so i got a new one. the end.

on the day i got my phone i also got my job at st johns. this could very well be the first step in my future. my career. ive applied for maryvilles nursing program which will start in a couple weeks and will reek havoc on my wallet. but im excited about having clear direction for once. i only hope im not missing God in some way, because i still dont feel like i know what im doing ever. but it makes me happy to think about doing nursing. i start the patient transporter position may 3rd so we shall see.

aubrey is moving soon and taking with her another piece of my heart and my musical partner. it sucks. balls. i dont know what to do with my time or music now. i really hope i can keep the positive momentum that she began with my music tho. ive grown alot as a singer and writer in the past few months...thats the silver lining i suppose...not gonna go into this on a public forum.

as far as slade and tucker, thats also a sad tale. they are pretty involved in their own lives and dont have time for the band. it is truly unfortunate because we write some fun ditties and i hope someday theyll be enjoyed by more than 3.

im off now to go watch 'the importance of being earnest' because it is ridiculous that ive never seen or read the play. have a good one and keep smiling! gotta have the bad to enjoy the good (thats what im telling myself)

2 more roadtrips, searching for work, music

over the past month its been a struggle to not feel the pressure of not having a job. ive been trying to appreciate my freetime rather than feel lazy. other than applying for jobs and looking into getting into school again, i have gone on a few more roadtrips.

i went to nashville with my mom. i was feeling distant from her and thought what better way to reconnect with someone than a trip? we had a great time and some good heart to heart talks. although i still think she is struggling with the fact that i am not the same little boy she used to take trips to nashville with. its tough on me...knowing my mom wishes i was like the old me. but what can i do? i must move forward.

i took a trip to tulsa all by myself to see dan. i saw his new house and how much improvements they had made on it. played boardgames with his fam, went sledding,went to a going away party for someone i didnt know, and drove home listening to the 7 mixed cds aubrey made for me.

last week, me and aubrey went and played at a metro stop to start preparing playing in front of people. we are sounding good and almost ready for a performance id say. carriage house on the other hand...is a slow work in progress. new songs have been hard to come by, but two im very happy with is one about a wind up bird and one about a phantom limb.

ive been racking my brain for nearly a month now, and i cant think of any position that would be better for me than greg the murse (male nurse). so ive begun looking into programs at umsl. thats all for now

into the new year.

ive spent the first few days of the new year looking back at 2009. i was pretty shocked when i looked back at how fast this year had gone by and how much i had actually done with it. i was rarely home, spent alot of time meeting new people, dancing and socializing out in public, which was never really my thing. so in that aspect, 2009 was a great year for me growing in confidence in myself.

it was a pretty fantastic year overall, the good and bad. i was in a movie with george clooney, i was a dj, i got a new car, i met a ridiculous amount of new cool people, and i started playing open mics in st louis. i experienced firsts like romantic heartbreak and getting laid off. i started a potential band. i gave blood. carrie got preggers, jolene had a baby, nobody close died, dan got a house, jessie got married, jon got engaged. i may be pretty broke, but my life is so full of great people and moments.

in 2010 i look forward to getting a place i can call my own for a short season. hopefully i will find direction, prioritize and get some things accomplished!... if not, thats okay too, its bound to be a great year either way. i would like the band to gig once or twice, i would like to get a direction career wise. i would like to finish a few short stories, but that seems unlikely at this point.

so far the new year is getting off to a hopping start and i hope it stays this way. i went on a snowboarding vacation with jessie, a friend of mine, and it was fantastic. i was shocked at how fast i picked up some of the techniques and just had a blast. i even finished the trip successfully going down an expert hill. certainly one of my new passions in life. i have also had the great fortune of spending time with aubrey. we sit in front of her fire place smoking, talking, and playing music (she plays the uke and her mom plays the clarinet). not a whole lot better in this world than music by the fire with good company.

also, just a few updates. usfidelis ended up closing their doors a week or so ago. i am currently unemployed and very excited about the possibility of living and working near st louis city. today i am applying for a few more nursing assistant jobs. i am seriously contemplating that direction right now, and want to see if i can handle it. i just want to be able to stay happy, which seems to be an interesting struggle all adults face.

finally, if you havent seen up in the air yet, and you want to try and see me (i did end up making the cut!) then keep an eye out about 3/4 of the way thru the movie when he goes to chicago (it will say chicago on the screen) to see the girl. when he is leaving chicago walking to the right in the airport i am clearly sitting in the background for about 1.5 seconds. haha

quote for the day: give me a break with your could haves and should haves -from the movie whatever works

i love life and see good days.