beginning with a map and no direction

man oh man oh man. it feels great to have a blog again.
i once had a xanga site back in the good ole college days before this stuff was everywhere.
maybe it wasnt before, but kind of right b4 it got huge.
anyways, if you want to read about my college days i think my name was AGregSea.

this is my new blog in honor of deck, for fam and friends to know whats going on.
this is what happened on day one.

saying goodbye is the least fun part of life aside from sickness, which can sometimes lead to a goodbye.
i had to say goodbye to all of the people i love in st. louis. jess, rach, kevin, holly, deck, nik and carrie and evan, dads and moms, uncles who arent technically uncles ( okay, just harvey), nana and joan, and various others. the hardest, however, was my girlfriend kelly. it felt like i was ripping my heart out of my heart socket and playing hacky sack with it. ugh. distance better make the heart grow fonder or i will be pissed at distance! i cant believe i miss my mom and dad so much already also, for the record.
of course, i cant help but question why i am moving to california now that its actually occurring. why am i doing this?! i love this place. i love these people. i love my life. but.
i dont love myself. that might not make sense. but it does. i dont love what i spend my time doing. and this makes me feel extremely discontent.
we were playing a game the other night and someone attempting to describe my life in two words wrote only "pleasure" and "music." this was embarrassing because it was true. i am a selfish mother. and yes, to the birdseye observer, me leaving for the sunshine state (i think) in order to pursue musical ambitions would not really seem like the unselfish direction to take to become a content person, but i feel like it is step one in an odd way.

an attempt to do something with my talents. which i believe is crafting songs. if i dont give it at least one honest try ill always have to imagine it. this way, if i suck and i fail, i will have contentment in at least that area of knowing. hopefully after this i will have some insight to myself and will be able to become a bonifide adult man. at the moment, i am really just a balding bearded boy.

wow! deviation much? back on course. day one. i have to fight tears when saying bye to mom and kelly.
i arrive late to my dads house to pick up charlie. this is to be expected, so naturally he isnt angry.
we leave town an hour late with our big map and even dads gps, and are beginning to get excited as i begin my california playlist.
charlie drives a stick shift on the highway for the first time. what a studly muffin.
we arrive in tulsa, ok at about 8.
me char (aka chuck) dan and his new bride brie run up and down the street making a parade for passerbys. i toot a trumpet, dan bangs a gong, and char and brie do the pot and pan thing.
the matlach residence is beautiful. dans art rules each room with an iron fist (art idea dan). i am amazed once again at his talents.
brie makes us dinner. i am amazed once again at her talents.
we go to a rooftop mexican place and have a beer. the outside looks like the wall from the movie cleanslate (carrie).


okay. thats pretty much it for day one.